Illustrating love in your family

I grew up in a home where holding one another and kissing publicly was a taboo regardless if you’re married or not but mostly if you’re not married.  I was taught that it did not look good, it was shameful, and people will look at you as if you don’t have any manners.  It was just something you just don’t do.  I’ve even heard some say it was part of our culture.  Holding hands and holding each other, snuggling, or kissing should not be display in public nor in your home in front of your children.  It should only be in private when there is no one around.  Now I am not talking about any inappropriate kissing or touching,  that should remain entirely private for you and your spouse only.  But you guys know what I mean.

So after my husband and I had our first born, Tiffany... we hardly showed any love towards one another in front of her.  We showed her plenty of love from us but we made sure she didn’t see us hug or kiss.  I do remember a moment when Tiffany was about a year and a half and I came home and gave Pary a kiss on the cheeks and she started giggling.  Then I gave him another kiss and she ran to us so filled with excitement that she gave me and her daddy a kiss all over our faces.  It was such an unforgettable moment.  But I remember thinking; we better stop this because I felt shameful.  We held hands in front of her but nothing more than that. 

After we had our second child we started to illustrate more love in the home in front of the children.  We realized how much of a difference the atmosphere changed.  Pary and I hugged all the time, I would lie in his arms, and he would hold me in his.  I would kiss him (nothing inappropriate of course) and even in bed in the morning when the kids come running in to see us cuddling in bed.  We’d watch movie night together and just snuggle tightly together.  And when we did this, our children would love it so much that they’d jump right in and want to be snuggle with us as well.  When Pary and I kiss each other, my children would giggle so happily and want us to kiss each other more.  Their face expression was so adorable.  It was nothing like, “eeew mommy and daddy what are you guys doing, that’s gross”.  Instead they wanted us to keep kissing each other.  They felt a love connection by our display for one another and in return they responded in a positive way. 

Just as if you were arguing, and your children are there, they will respond in anger screaming for you both to stop.  I realize I was raised that yelling inside the home was more normal to express then showing love for one another.  And boy was that all completely wrong.  I remember talking to a friend once; she said that in her home, her and her husband does not show any kind of love in front their children.  She said it’s wrong.  She too was raise the same way I was raise.  But I shared with her that if anyone is going to set an example of love to our children, shouldn’t they see it from their own parents inside their home first? We expose hate, anger, yelling, screaming, violence, verbal abuse in our home so easily but how is it that we can’t demonstrate true love in our home? It should be the other way around, love should be easy to perform and fighting should be kept in private.

I hear some people talk about how they get gross out when they see their parents kiss, flirt or snuggle making remarks let, “eeew… you guys make me want to throw up”.  It just breaks my heart so bad when I hear them feel this way.  So sad that we live in a society where expressing love can be seen as a curse, disgusting or sickening.  Love has turn to such a wrongful and foul view in today’s definition.

I am happy that Pary and I are comfortable in agreeing to illustrate our love for one another in front of our children.  We have seen such a major change in the environment of our home, there’s just a joyful unity and warmth in our family.  I think it is so important to practice this in your home and in front of your children. 

After 31 years I finally saw my dad and mom hugged and that was after I told dad to go give mom a hug.  This was during mom’s birthday celebration when mom and dad were giving a special speech and dad was tearing.  It was then that I realized… I have never seen them hug. And the moment was so special to me.  There’s no doubt that my parents love each other but as their daughter, I just wanted to see more affection to be shown towards each other.  I don’t know if you guys feel that way but that’s how I feel about my parents. I want to see them hold hands, cuddle together, I want to see them kiss, see them flirt together, or crack jokes at each other, make fun of one another, laugh together, laugh at each other. My parents are always so serious around us and speaking so firmly to one another that I wish they’d be more loving. 

I remember recently I asked my mom, “Mom... how come you and dad never hold hands or hug?” and my mom said they’re just not like that. I told her, “Mom that is such a lie, you are one of the most hugging people I know”; she laughed and said... well your dad isn’t like that. Of course I went on saying, well it’s not like you can’t hug dad.  I also told her while in tears that my whole life I have never seen them hug, or kiss, or hold hands and when I saw them do that on her birthday it warmed me up so much that I wanted to see more.  I also told her, we as children, long to see our parents put their love into action.  It makes us very happy to see that.  She just smiled.  Even in the Bible, it says the bonding is what brings perfect love. Love should be express non-stop. 

I want my children to look back when they get older and be able to say, “My parents were always so in love.  We were always surrounded in a tenderly and passionate home”.  I don’t want them to look back be sad and say, “I’ve never seen my parents hug, or I’ve never seen them speak loving words to one another”.  The way that you and your spouse express yourself to each other plays big role in how your children will be.  This has been studied and proven.  So a gentle reminder…  choose love, public love.  Perform it every day not just towards your children, but your spouse.  Children feed off of this and it helps them and nurture them into a healthy future.  Let them remember mommy and daddy as loving people, not yelling people. Always give your children a cherishable memory to reflect on when they get older, this is the most valuable thing that you can give to your children.