I grew up in a home where holding one another and kissing
publicly was a taboo regardless if you’re married or not but mostly if you’re
not married. I was taught that it did
not look good, it was shameful, and people will look at you as if you don’t
have any manners. It was just something
you just don’t do. I’ve even heard some
say it was part of our culture. Holding
hands and holding each other, snuggling, or kissing should not be display in
public nor in your home in front of your children. It should only be in private when there is no
one around. Now I am not talking about
any inappropriate kissing or touching, that
should remain entirely private for you and your spouse only. But you guys know what I mean.
So after my husband and I had our first born, Tiffany... we
hardly showed any love towards one another in front of her. We showed her plenty of love from us but we
made sure she didn’t see us hug or kiss.
I do remember a moment when Tiffany was about a year and a half and I
came home and gave Pary a kiss on the cheeks and she started giggling. Then I gave him another kiss and she ran to
us so filled with excitement that she gave me and her daddy a kiss all over our
faces. It was such an unforgettable moment. But I remember thinking; we better stop this
because I felt shameful. We held hands
in front of her but nothing more than that.
After we had our second child we started to illustrate more
love in the home in front of the children.
We realized how much of a difference the atmosphere changed. Pary and I hugged all the time, I would lie
in his arms, and he would hold me in his.
I would kiss him (nothing inappropriate of course) and even in bed in
the morning when the kids come running in to see us cuddling in bed. We’d watch movie night together and just
snuggle tightly together. And when we
did this, our children would love it so much that they’d jump right in and want
to be snuggle with us as well. When Pary
and I kiss each other, my children would giggle so happily and want us to kiss
each other more. Their face expression
was so adorable. It was nothing like, “eeew
mommy and daddy what are you guys doing, that’s gross”. Instead they wanted us to keep kissing each
other. They felt a love connection by
our display for one another and in return they responded in a positive
way.
Just as if you were arguing, and your children are there,
they will respond in anger screaming for you both to stop. I realize I was raised that yelling inside
the home was more normal to express then showing love for one another. And boy was that all completely wrong. I remember talking to a friend once; she said
that in her home, her and her husband does not show any kind of love in front
their children. She said it’s
wrong. She too was raise the same way I
was raise. But I shared with her that if
anyone is going to set an example of love to our children, shouldn’t they see
it from their own parents inside their home first? We expose hate, anger,
yelling, screaming, violence, verbal abuse in our home so easily but how is it
that we can’t demonstrate true love in our home? It should be the other way
around, love should be easy to perform and fighting should be kept in private.
I hear some people talk about how they get gross out when
they see their parents kiss, flirt or snuggle making remarks let, “eeew… you
guys make me want to throw up”. It just
breaks my heart so bad when I hear them feel this way. So sad that we live in a society where
expressing love can be seen as a curse, disgusting or sickening. Love has turn to such a wrongful and foul view
in today’s definition.
I am happy that Pary and I are comfortable in agreeing to
illustrate our love for one another in front of our children. We have seen such a major change in the
environment of our home, there’s just a joyful unity and warmth in our family. I think it is so important to practice this in
your home and in front of your children.
After 31 years I finally saw my dad and mom hugged and that
was after I told dad to go give mom a hug.
This was during mom’s birthday celebration when mom and dad were giving
a special speech and dad was tearing. It
was then that I realized… I have never seen them hug. And the moment was so
special to me. There’s no doubt that my
parents love each other but as their daughter, I just wanted to see more affection
to be shown towards each other. I don’t
know if you guys feel that way but that’s how I feel about my parents. I want
to see them hold hands, cuddle together, I want to see them kiss, see them
flirt together, or crack jokes at each other, make fun of one another, laugh
together, laugh at each other. My parents are always so serious around us and
speaking so firmly to one another that I wish they’d be more loving.
I remember recently I asked my mom, “Mom... how come you and
dad never hold hands or hug?” and my mom said they’re just not like that. I
told her, “Mom that is such a lie, you are one of the most hugging people I
know”; she laughed and said... well your dad isn’t like that. Of course I went
on saying, well it’s not like you can’t hug dad. I also told her while in tears that my whole
life I have never seen them hug, or kiss, or hold hands and when I saw them do
that on her birthday it warmed me up so much that I wanted to see more. I also told her, we as children, long to see
our parents put their love into action.
It makes us very happy to see that.
She just smiled. Even in the
Bible, it says the bonding is what brings perfect love. Love should be express
non-stop.
I want my children to look back when they get older and be
able to say, “My parents were always so in love. We were always surrounded in a tenderly and
passionate home”. I don’t want them to
look back be sad and say, “I’ve never seen my parents hug, or I’ve never seen
them speak loving words to one another”. The way that you and your spouse express
yourself to each other plays big role in how your children will be. This has been studied and proven. So a gentle reminder… choose love, public love. Perform it every day not just towards your
children, but your spouse. Children feed
off of this and it helps them and nurture them into a healthy future. Let them remember mommy and daddy as loving
people, not yelling people. Always give your children a cherishable memory to
reflect on when they get older, this is the most valuable thing that you can
give to your children.
